She , and the Girl in the mirror

Tears are streaming down her eyes ..
She escapes the pain , the overwhelming pain in her chest
Her heart's throbbing , breaking her ribs.. attacking her soul
She can feel herself shivering , the icy wind makes her quiver
She closes her eyes , stares at her reflection ..
In the mirror she sees a girl , a girl she is unable to recognize
A girl with despair written on her face , lashes that are moist
She has no one in this world , yet she stares at the girl in the mirror
A magnetic motion draws her towards the girl who's staring at her too
She touches the glass .. The chill , moves down to her spine .. She trips backward
The girl in the mirror has her story written along the walls of undesired fate
She has had her heart broken a million times , didnt complain once
She has cried all nights long , and smiled a convincing smile to hundreds
She has been labelled , but she has fought .. She has survived the ruthless surroundings
The wild flower .. she was .. she grew among thorns and ferns but she grew innocent
She has lived .. lived quite long .. and now she stares blankly with just a cloth and a bottle of liquid
The liquid of delusion that provides a route of escapism ..
Cuz her time has come , the armour around her has fallen off
The stoned heart has been scratched and destroyed ..
Her eyes havent moved for ages .. A red hue has made its home there
She smiles atlast .. as she inhales and drops down to her knees ..
She wriggles for a bit and then lays still ..
Just a few hours of peace for the girl in the mirror .. A few hours only

She looks at the mirror sees herself laying unconscious , turns around and walks away
Curls up in her bed and has a night of dreamless sleep ..
Just a few hours .. 

She decided to be alone . (The unheard voice of a mother)

The unrequited dream that flashed before the hazel eyes |

Oh , the time of glory when her baby laid in her arm

half opened his eyes , and her face reflected then ..

A blind man could have seen her eyes signalling the ten million plans that lay in store

          For a small child that lay in her lap , blissfully unaware .

She vividly remembers the tormenting displeasure ..

Oh she sighs , and revives the happiness she was unable to hide when her son ,

just a year old .. took the first steps without holding her hand

She wanted to run and smother him in her arms

Withdrawing her action , she stepped aside and smiled

"Leave me alone , I am irritated" her heart flinched on hearing these words

There was a time when her son and she , read stories together 

she tapped his head slow and sang his favorite lullaby as he fell asleep

Lost and forgotten seems those day , scarring her memories 

The hands of the clock ticked away the only time she ever wanted to remember .

"Ma" - How she loved this name , now she ceases to hear 

For time has changed , the world has revolved a few more years 

Her only reason for survival has detached himself from her arms 

All she hears , is yells and taunts and sometimes she prays to the Almighty 

What wrong has she done , except loving and protecting her son 

"Its my life , let me live it " - her heart skips a beat . 

But all she does is lovingly smile and look at her son 

Runs her finger through his hair , tightens her lips  

She doesnt want to cry in front of her child , so she runs out of the door 

No voice , but gallons of tears escapes from her eyes . 

The wrath of a growing son , with age seems to have become wilder 

But she decides to keep quiet and suffer the unloving nature 

Of her child she had lovingly brought into this world 

Expecting love and affection , when she got none . 

         But who will understand the unheard voice of a mother . 

"After all he is my son ... " she says , and every flinch , tear and pain vanishes . 

*= She =*

I remember a few minute details about her ..

The way she talked , like the slow ripple of ocean winds

How she looked at me with those innocent eyes ..

I remember the slow walk , as she passed the door of my thoughts

The way her voice shook when tears gathered her eyes

and how she wiped her forehead with her dainty hands

I remember the touch of her soft silk fingers

and her laugh that still echoes in my head ..

I remember how she murmured when anger raged her veins

but then again how silently she calmed again ..

I remember the look of submissiveness on her pretty face

Oh ! the nose that twitched every now and then ..

I remember how she whispered when she was scared

the way her rose bud lips trembled when she was cold

I remember almost everything about her , sometimes I smile ..

Oh that beautiful girl , that surpassed all myth and might 

Her feet adorned with bells , when she ran they tinkled 

Like soothing music on a cold winter night . 

I remember the angel'ish light that gleamed in her face 

making it hard to believe the very truth of mortality 

Like the river flowing , swiftly breaking through the sand 

She walked away from her castle , my heart

Words of a lover =]

Life is too short for hatred, so let love transcend

Lets hold hands through this perplexing maze, that others call life
Through this journey we'll encounter multitudes of devils in disguise
Trying to breathe evil into our minds
But we gotta trust the love, only blossoming with time

I know the last few days have been rocky for us both
But we came smilin outta it, like nothing ever happened
And now that we're together once again, lets take an oath
to hold on to each other like one supernatural force
We've witnessed enuff sadness in life, now lets bring it to an end

We are seperated by miles, but united by our hearts
We may have a thousand tiffs, but we'll never fall apart
We had problems from the beginning, but this is another start
Baby lets us fall in each others' arms, never to let go
So pray we're always enlightened by love, light years away from dark

Rain

As the rain drops pitter-pattered on my glass pane 

I slowly smiled and looked up the sky 

It was dark , oh so black and the breeze was light 

I parted the curtains and closed my eyes 

All I could hear was the splash of water on the gray roads 

Dried and empty thoughts were washed away in seconds 

Thunder cackled and I opened my lids 

and before I knew it , two streaks of lighting flashed before my eyes 

I marvelled at the sight so natural and intense 

and wondered what magnificence it was .. 

The green leaves swayed and the flowers seemed like bulbs

I day dreamed about stories I loved the most .. 

The drops brushed my face , and my heart was beating fast 

And a few blur faces wavered in my head ..  

I chose to think for a second about the slow calamities of life

Realisation struck me that everything was so beautiful and smooth 

Only Rain can make me feel this way .. as I danced around the room 

Played my favorite song and hummed the best tune 

I knew for an instance that I was the happiest when it rained  

The smell of ground and the sound of wind against the willows 

I silently crossed my fingers and prayed . 

the beauty to be bestowed on forever and feeling to submerge slow 

Emotions to overcast the numbness . 

And clouds to free the rain , and the rains to touch the earth ..

Lets make a promise =]

Lets make a promise ,  

That everything is smooth like a reel of thread that never ends  

 Laminate with jewels the voice you love the most 

listen to the slow whispers all night long 

If the tears fall for no reason , let them fall , don't let the crystals go in vain

Lets make a promise , 

Open your eyes , and seal your hearts 

for time may bring a few bumps and a few rocks 

and if we stumble upon the few laid barriers  

we will remember to fight it all together and smile at the end .

Lets make a promise ,
No matter how hard is it to smile , during the time of  "no one cares"

we will be at each other's side even in the darkest of twilight's 

for me and you have a life and we need to live it our best

no compromise and no sacrifice should be hard enough to make .

Lets make a promise , 

For trust may falter and a few stories would be misunderstood 

Nothing would seem right , and everything will turn wrong 

We would perform an act of will and let it all go 

we would forget the pain and forgive the faults and make things better . 

Lets make a promise , 

Life isn't going to be roses and rubies , but we will hold each other's hands 

through the thorns and the stones and the high tides that cross our path 

Even if one of ours hands slips of  , the other should be strong enough to hold back . 

So , lets make a promise that the world is on one side , and we are on the other 

and we will make it work because we believe in forever .

The school of thoughts (^_^)

True were those days that the sands of time blew 

of mirth and smiles and happiness I knew . 

Such were the times of endless speeches and letters 

when we all formed a group of the 'go-getters' . 

Days of endless skies beneath which we sat and rejoiced 

drank to our friendship and the opinions we voiced . 

Back as we trace the memory of lush green lawns and a pool ,

of a structure , the color of burnt sienna and walls so cool . 

The clock ticked away the good and the bad and spirits were raised 

How do we deny the tears that shone and anger that blazed ?

Remembrance of cliched fights and misgivings that sought 

as we now smile and think , of miseries we never bought 

The uniform we so proudly wore and the assemblies we did attend

but the prayers we never prayed , and the lectures that never end

Oh how delicious was the plate that was shared between five

the round tables in the canteen , and romances were live

The long stretches of corridor , and classes we survived

the windowpanes that overlooked the auditorium so wide

Never will we forget the mentors and the subjects we never learnt

and the campus , the buses we missed and the detention we bent

Lost are those days when free periods are all that we craved

and the rains that washed the glasses and indoors we stayed

The ramps we walked and the music that made our hearts beat

the music room where we frequented and tapped our feet

Blessed were we to be recognised as the students of our beloved school

and how do we forget the unbreakable bonds that we rule

Slowly , friends we never thought of staying apart

moved out of the sphere and drew their own chart

Some were lost and others gained , few crumbled

and the true one remained as the bright sky trembled

Everything had to come to an end and so did the years spent

This is the story of the school my fate had sent .

Friends , school .. A life that we all want , a few get .
I was among the lucky few .
Cheers :)

Because I never had the time to say .....

I sit to write , a story of an young man ,

A handsome youth of dark skin and forbidding smile , eyes that could read minds and words that could twirl brains into nothingness . A man of nineteen .. with experience running through his ice cold veins , and his presence was shadowy and quiescent . When he spoke , eyes turned and listened to what his husky voice had to offer , it was like a metallic ring clanging in the cochlea and whatever he spoke some drank in as his experience and knowledge about mundane affairs were vast and astounding .

A girl barely of eleven , opened the door of a cyber cafe , about to access the computer for the first time , and umm about to talk to her cousin for the first time , a cousin she had heard about just a few days back , she had somehow managed his email id .. A cousin who she had perhaps met when she was a baby in her cradle , memory fades but never erases itself from a little girl's head . Some images were vivid , potent and fresh . The green crocodile , that was her favorite soft toy and it didn't belong to her , it was his . Her brother's .
Albums of yellow-ish photos had tickled her curiosity and she had at last summoned up enough courage to ask about the baby , that sat on her mother's lap scratching his head . Heh . That's how she got to know about her brother ... She always wanted one . Her being the only child .
For months she email-ed her brother , trying to appear smarter than her age , somehow trying to win her brother's love and trust , she never knew whether she succeeded , it was an obsession for her .
Then started the phone calls , she used to steal her mother's phone and make STD calls and talk for hours , loving her brother's voice and the way he spoke , never mixing two words in one , Oh ! How she wished she could grow up to be like him . Little did she know .. she was just like her brother . Same blood ran through her arteries and she wasn't aware how alike they were , but nonetheless .. the bond between them flourished . 

Phone calls and emails wrapped them together with an unbreakable thread , and she was happy , she knew he cared . Everything was well , until one day ...........






The young man , was worried .. a sudden knock in yahoo and everything ends , Abruptly . No calls , no texts, no emails .. no replies . For a year . Almost . No everyday conversations , no response . Everything just ended just the way it had started , he was tensed . Was it something he said ? did ? ... No .
Then why ? Questions , hatred , love , all raced through his heart and he tried forgetting about his silly talkative cousin who was the closest than his friends and family combined . He was like his personal diary , where he could pen down whatever he wanted to express , she was more than a cousin , a sister , a friend . She was him . His other half , who could read him better than any of the books , he could be himself only in  front of her , and now .. she was gone . Just like that ? 

He decided , no he didn't . He was confused . What must have happened .


One morning , he receives a call , from a number unknown but he knew who it could before he heard the "hello ?" .. It was his sister . Calling him after a year . The same chirpy voice informing him that she may come someday to his city .
He felt like banging his fist and yelling out loud , he never wanted her to come back , but he missed her , he hated the very sound of her , but loved every stupid thing about her . He decided to hear what she has to say , but she had nothing else to offer except a sorry and that she was too consumed in a teenage affair .
She was like a train off the track , vulnerable , ready to bang into everything that's on her way .
He was protective , trying to console her , save her , make her learn the hard way , diminish her pain , she leaned on him , and he soothed her . She was his responsibility .

He was there when the world when the world seemed bland and corrosive . He was and still is there , with that little eleven year old who is about to turn sixteen this year . 

Stuck like glue , their bond remains of misbehaviour that persists and forgiveness that's still on due . 

__________________________~~~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~_________________________________




Brother , this one's for you .
I missed out a lot .. sometimes words ain't just enough to express what I feel for you .
You have been there through thick and thin , and I know the strongest of emotions and hurdles can't separate us , I know pure love is not what you have for me .. but hatred ? No , its just too strong a word . 

You despise me , yes sometimes but don't you think I am just like you , sometimes I am different but at the end , you know we are too similar to hate each other . 

Thank you , I know it's not enough and this may sound really creepy . But . I love you
Your eleven year old cousin who is growing through the years , fighting her way through changes , while the only permanent thing that remains is YOU .

A bike ride =]

The speed was 120 km/hr .. drifting and swinging he rode his bike , he could feel the cold gusts of wind and pollution tickling his face and his girlfriend's hand resting on his shoulders . He felt like screaming with happiness ! Nothing could be better than this , he got a hole in his jeans , a shiny black bike and his baby girl at the back . Aah ! Every 17 year old's dream . Was he living the male version of "TEENAGE DREAM" ?.. I wonder !
             He was mumbling his favorite song , Pearl Jam's last kiss .
When his girlfriend whispered in his ears , her words like melody "I love you" ... He could have done all the stunts in the world , he was ecstatic . How better can life be in the busy streets of Delhi ? He yelled "I love you too baby". His girlfriend laughed as her hair blew .. she felt perfectly at ease , satisfied and happy . "Happy" is a strong word , much stronger than pleasure which is momentary and can never replace the pure feeling of happiness slowly appears in the eyes , moves down the lips throws a smile and covers the heart with bliss .


The bike speeds up , the boy races up the smooth road.. didn't he forget to wear his helmet ? Oh yes . Oh ! Never mind , riding a bike is twice as much fun without the helmets on ;) ... he swung his shiny machine from left to right while his girlfriend clutched his shoulders harder and her painted nails dug into his skin ..
He didn't see the approaching monster , a huge truck driven by a drunk driver that smashed his dream , his bike and his beautiful girlfriend , who was still smiling as the truck ripped her skin and burned her smile, he lay in the bushes , scarred a bit .. one or two bones fractured . He lay motionless as he saw his girl facing death , the smell of burned rubber tyres,  and his eyes witnessing death . He thought of rushing to her embracing her in his cool arms and holding her breath of life , then he choked a bit when he realised that the life has already escaped and the soul was dancing away into the skies above , he looked up the pitch black sky , it rained.. water that hit him like stones hit bruised flesh..
His happiness , everything just vanished like the truck that sped , horror crushed his agony , and he ran . He ran where the lifeless cold mass of flesh lay , once his girlfriend , his love , his life . He cursed the truck , his fate and his smile . He cursed the bike that lay , engine still running .. petrol still burning . He picked up the body that lay before him and shuddered .. she felt so light , so cool , so numb .
He looks at her beautiful face , now a tangle of flesh , blood and bones ..He saw blood and rain mixing and creating a pool of scarlet on the dusty roads and before he knew it he started howling , bawling like he was just a two year old , when pain sped through his skin and goosebumps rose , he could hear at a distant .. Pearl Jam's "Oh where , oh where can my baby be .. the lord took her away from me ..........."

A piece of her life :)

The sky had a prodigious effect on her fluttering lashes that protected her misty eyes , she blinked away the tears that was about to abandon  her eyes and trickle down her cheeks , she absentmindedly brushed her hair that was falling across her face and stared directly at the crystal that lay transfixed in the sky .. The moon .
Her mother used to tell her , the moon sometimes had pictures of animals engraved in it , she refused to believe .. She wasn't a young girl anymore .. But today , she could see her reflection on the shimmering surface of the moon , in her reflection , she was smiling . Her pink lips stretched and her eyes shining . The moon reflected her soul of unwillingness and she saw millions of milky stars covering the vast black sky . She smiled ,
There ain't many people in this wide , selfish world who would stop and tell her how beautiful she is , but there are many who would remind her how mistreated was she , they would come , sit by her side and with a clumsy look on their face tell her how she should be happy ..


She is happy , indeed very happy . A gaiety atmosphere she creates as soon as she is surrounded by ugly eyes staring her down , she smiles and the world stops to think .. Why is she smiling ?

There is something very unnatural about her , the sad look in her oriental eyes , the silky sheet of black clouds falling below her waist , her quivering lips and smooth mermaid skin .
"She was a phantom of delight , when she first gleamed upon my sight " .... Wordsworth must have rightfully meant these words for her .


There is something wrong with her , something devastatingly wrong , something that attracts the evils to envelop her in their gray mirth , which ain't the mirth we know .
But somehow , she knows .. She'll find a way out of the castle of contradicting thoughts , that pushes and pulls her like the struggling to undo a knot .
Thus, keeping her on her toes to her evolving desires while cementing the needs that never change she maintains the precarious balance of the world she has and what she knows it will be.






<3

Dad ? I love you =]

Popsie , (remember I used to call you by this name)
Did I ever tell you , that I want to be like you ? Ha ha ! No .. I never did , we hardly talk .. Morning 9 you move out to earn bread for us , and you enter home late , by that time I am already in my room , listening to music or busy talking over the phone . I know you feel ignored by me ,  Daddie . I hardly see you nowadays .. Sometimes you come in my room to talk to me :) But .. I am always bust texting some really hot guy or some friend or maybe busy with my laptop . Then you slowly go away , slowly shutting the door as if you are expecting me to turn back and stop you . I never do . I am always too engrossed in my "Own Life" .

I am a teenager , I tend to ignore my parents , because I think you are wrong , you are old fashioned*. Well not my Dad . He is my Hero :) The real hero straight out of some Hollywood flick . He is "THE DAD" . :)
I love you Dad , I love the way you always forgive my grave mistakes . Sometimes , you are my best friend . You really know everything about me , and still choose to love me , not denying me of anything that I ever asked for . I love sharing my secrets with you , you have never yet broken my trust . You know every little thing , even the things I want to hide from you . You somehow find out , and forgive me . You never even remind me of those silly hooks that I pulled and fell , and never taunt me like the stereotype typical parents :)
I broke your trust almost 5 times now , but you still somehow start believing me , Aint I proud to be your daughter ?! Yes .. Indeed I am . Which father takes his baby girl out for a long drive , rock music blasting from the music system , just because she had a break up and she was crying and moaning all day long ?
Which father bring KFC and McDonald's delicacies just because his daughter is upset !
Which father spoils his birthday , just because his daughter prefers going out with her friends on the very same day ?
Which father cries in front of his daughter , because she threatens that she is going to leave her house and go away to some alien city ?
Which father takes out time from his everyday life and hugs his daughter and says "I love you" .


My Daddie does .
This note is for you , an apology letter for everything I have done , not thinking how much its going to hurt you...
A letter of gratitude for all that you have done , and I never had the time to say thank you .


Baba ?? I love you :)

Smile , Its just life .

Smile , Its just life ..

Smile , as you walk through the dense woods

you see fallen twigs and broken dreams 

you see , lost hopes and failed plans

Smile , Its just life ..

Smile , when all prejudiced eyes point towards you 

you see numb hands brushing your shoulders 

you see cold voices drumming your ears 

Smile , Its just life .. 

Smile , because this is how you will learn to play
you will trip and fall , get bruised and scarred 

you will then again roll the dice , play the cards 

Smile , Its just life .. 

Smile , no sorrow can overpower the happiness 

you will delicately let go of the past and start over new 

you will learn to forgive and forget and never regret 

Smile , Its just life ..
Smile , because nothing can replace the true curve on your lips 

you will have to let go , of people and things that wont stay 

you will learn how to live , because its just life .

This is for you

This is for the time I first caught a glimpse of your sight
This is for the first gestures
This is for the first embrace I took so light
This is for those notes we exchanged
This is for the first date .
This is for the late night talks and the laughs
This is for the cards and the gifts
This is for the letters so nicely written
This is for the last minute "I love yous"
This is for the tears you shed and times you begged
This is for the forgiveness I lent .
This is for the choices I offered , permissions I denied
This is for the uncountable times you cheated .
This is for the sorry which was always accepted
This is for the truths revealed and pain unnerved
This is for the patience discovered .
This is for the anger that burst like fire blazing out of an ocean
This is for the calmness I possessed .
This is for the trust that withstood all your immaturity
This is for the mistakes that was always ignored
This is for the festival you spent alone , and satisfied
This is for the days I missed your voice .
This is for the loneliness I suffered and the times I yelled
This is for the times I supported you .
This is for the times no one heard what you had to say
This is for the days I never once left your side
This is for the shoulder you had to bear all your silliness
This is for the night you said goodbye .
This is for the tears I never cried , and lips that always smiled
This is for the drugs that seeped inside my veins
This is for the friendly attitude that was returned with haste
This is for the phone calls which I never made
This is for the texts I never replied .
This is for the last conversation we had
This is for the hundredth promise you broke
This is for the last time I let my tears fall .
This is for the friend you lost , or maybe the love .
This is for everything I once did , and now regret ,
This is for me and you , and all that we been through
This is for the harsh slits and scars you left
This is my way of saying goodbye
This is for you .

The story of *I*

I was a miracle , submerged in the thaws of reality
I was a volcano ready to erupt .
I was the everlasting avalanche of ability
I was the mystic silence of escaped voices
I was the flaming lamp of golden liberty
I was the waves breaking my way into the sands
I was the epitome of fantasied delights and desires
I was the hot tears on cold bruised hearts
I was the morning sun , bathing in the fleecing clouds
I was the vibrant galaxy in the dark hollow night
I was meant to be , all this and more ......


I was the sound of unheard mysteries , they were scared
They were afraid of the light inside me so they kept me locked
I was kept in the woods of mistreatment and misjudgement
I learnt to grow wild , find solace in the fragrance of blood
I was surrounded by the iron rods of the prison of wicked schemes
They tied my hands and feet with nylon ropes unwilling to break
I could see them advancing toward the iron rods with weapons
I could see then carrying knives and swords ready to extinguish my existence
I lay there , and dreamt of the emerald I could have been
They stabbed me right where life beats its own music
I lay numb , as the first drop of scarlet water trickles down .

Damsel

She was the damsel , pretty in looks , evil at thoughts
Trapped you inside the plastic net of reverence
She filled your heart , with unwanted desires and ecstasy
Let out your true sense of belonging in her hands
She let go of your hand in the dungeons of misguidance
Left you in the arms of hell's tears and heaven's peace
She looked at you with eyes that blazed a thousand secrets
Amazed, you stared at the black glass , so cold and unreal
She was damsel , pretty in looks , evil at thoughts
Chained inside her succumbed world you lie


She was the damsel , pretty in looks , evil at thoughts
Hypnotized by her uncanny way of words and voice
She lifted you up from the dust , to the blackest of clouds
Stroked back the wonder of emotion in your smile
She had an iron clad chain bound on ankles
Denying your existence , except inside the dark forest of despair
She smiled and let you climb the stairs of hope
And the stairs broke with every step you took
She danced around like angels in the paradise
As she saw you falling down and vanishing inside the crust of heat
She knew that another mortal was punished for sins of betrayal
She was the damsel , pretty in looks , evil at thoughts .

That night ..

The mood everywhere is vibrant
The tears are forever silent
The laughter is heard on the cliffs above the sea
The sky turns crimson ...
The birds soar free


I stand on the barren moor draped in white
Heaven was near, and the reasons were clear
I had to leave as I couldn't stop for the morning light
Into the night the soul vanished by


It was perhaps the might of the lords
or even the destiny's game
But no one could have stopped my fate
It was the heaven's plan
I had to reach ..
reach before it turned warm outside
I had to pull the saddle
and ride the horse that stood beside




As I put the last foot
away from the cobbled streets that was once my house
I turned back so I could see its last sight
Then mounting up I rode all the way
Away from the place where I belonged .

•